Lessons From the Pit

“He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.”—Psalm 40:2

As I’ve been reflecting back on how God led me out of mom burnout, I am beginning to see how far superior His ways are. Netflix surely cannot do for me what God has done.

Though physical “self-care” may be His starting point, it didn’t end there. As my body rested, He was then able to reach my soul—where I was most restless. The amazing thing about Jesus’ way is that even when there is sin to deal with, He doesn’t start there. He truly is gentle and humble in heart.

But He is holy too. There was sin to be dealt with in my heart. I knew it. And so did He. So as I began to open myself up to Him again, that was what He did. He will not leave sin unaddressed.

God’s end goal is not just about providing us with renewed strength so we can feel refreshed and keep going. That is part of it, but not all of it.

Sometimes this coming alive is a good thing, but sometimes it can surface some hard things too. Sometimes we opt to stay busy so we don’t need to deal with those things. But when we start to settle down into His rest, they may inevitably start popping up.

Even this is part of God’s grace. He doesn’t want us to stay in those lies. He will help us separate the wheat from the chaff of our thoughts.

As He addressed my heart, I began to see where I responded wrongly in my suffering. Yes, I was going through a hard time, but I realized that even then, I had a choice. I could choose to act in faith or act in sin.

And I had chosen the latter. As I admitted this, He began to teach me several important lessons as well.

Lesson #1: I Am a Human Being with Limits

One of the biggest lessons God reviewed with me is the reality that as a human being, I have limits. Having limits is not a sin. It is by God’s design. He made me human, not a machine or robot.

By God’s grace, I was able to find great peace—and a new freedom—to admit that. I didn’t realize what kinds of pressure I was putting on myself to be everything for everybody, even our needy daughter. While I was on my retreat, catching up on sleeping and rest, I was reminded that I am a human being, bound in time and space.

And that’s okay.

Lesson #2: I Am Guilty of Idolatry

In my humanity, however, I am also prone to sin, namely the sin of substituting God with other alternatives. Specifically, I began to check out of my life, choosing to escape my painful life, doing the bare minimum I needed to keep our family functioning. This left the rest of my family angry, resentful, and worn out. I was able to escape, but they didn’t.

This led to incredibly high relational conflict in my home. The tensions were high. The atmosphere of our home was toxic. My idolatry of comfort brought less rest, not more, as I was now also contending with more work and relational strife.

But that was only the tip of it.

Lesson #3: I Am Guilty of Playing God

In idolizing comfort, I was actually idolizing myself. I wanted to make things as happy and easy for myself as possible. So I made up my own rules—usually to my advantage—to live by.

When left to my own devices, I became increasingly controlling and selfish, guarding my own time. I became more angry when others didn’t play by my rules. I realized that though I claimed God was my Lord, I really controlled my own life.

This took its toll physically as the stress increased in my body. Finally, a trip to the ER was a wake-up call for me. God made it clear in the space of my retreat that I was not fit to wear His shoes.

Confessing this sin of pride, of self-elevation, became one step towards repentance. If I had to point to a key lesson—this was probably it. Though it was a hard lesson to learn, it was also the first essential step out.

Only when I can admit this will I find the deepest rest possible—peace with God.

Lesson #4: Life is Meaningless Without God

As my heart began to awaken to my unbelief and idolatry, I began to also recognize how meaningless my existence is without God. Like the Teacher in Ecclesiastes, I saw the futility of my repetitive work, my pursuit of self-indulgent pleasures in Netflix, and my foolishness in trying to do life without God.

In that little cabin, God awakened me—not with earthquakes, fire, or wind—but with His gentle whisper. In contrast to Satan’s harsh and vicious taunts, the Spirit lovingly convicts. The fruit of His work can be seen in a renewed desire to want to please God with our lives. As I recognized His holiness and my sin, I wanted to live my life for Him again.

As the Lord provided me rest in both body and soul, I was open and able to hear from Him. He reminded me afresh of the hope that is found only in Him. This hope is confident and sure, a solid rock on which to move forward and build my new life with Anah.

Lesson #5: I Am Beloved Despite My Failures and Sin

Lastly, as I began to see who He is, I also began to see who I am. In my understanding of His greatness and goodness, I began to “shrink” to my proper size. No longer am I the god of my own world.

This reorientation is vital to moving forward with Christ. It is never pleasant to be under God’s searching gaze. But even as I saw the darkness of my sin, doing so in His presence awakened me to His grace. It is this grace that empowers me—us—to let Him help us up and try again, even in our greatest failures.

I had felt so discouraged in my pit of despair. But in my time with God, it was like He brought me out of the pit of destruction. He freed me from the bog of my despair. He set me upon solid footing again.

From this new vantage point, I began to catch a glimpse of the good He intended for me through our adoption. It was not going to be sunshine and roses, but it will be a blessing.

I found myself with a new desire to serve Him by being faithful to care for Anah. Not because it is the right thing I ought to do. Rather, it was because I have received such a great gift from Him.

Home-Work

I wish I could have stayed up at the mountaintop, but at the same time, I was ready to go home. Yes, even back to my hard life. My time with the Lord helped me to gird myself up to keep running again.

And this is one of the greatest blessings of rest. It is a bit paradoxical, actually. I started the retreat in an attempt to get away, but God used that time to minister to me, teach me, and encourage me to get back to work.

This is the how God’s rest is far superior to any self-care routines that we can create for ourselves. He gets down to the deepest parts, where the real restlessness resides. And there, He meets us, lightens our loads, and replaces them with His light and easy yoke.

It’s still a yoke, that is, it’s still work. But He wisely corrects and changes us so that we are not bearing burdens we are not meant to bear.

How About You?

When you are feeling heavy burdened, longing for release from the hard things in your life, will you turn to Him?

Jesus invites you to bring your burdens. He may not remove them, but He will enter into them with you. If you’re willing, He will also teach you how to face them.

Sometimes that means facing some of the harder things you’d rather not see. He might challenge your self-centered solutions. It might not be an easy path.

But the gentle and lowly one teaches us for our own good. Listen. Submit. Obey.

And He will bring rest for your soul too.