How to Get a Good Night's Sleep
“But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.”—1 Kings 19:4-8 (ESV)
As I began to realize that my own attempts at self-care at home were not really helping me at all, I asked my husband if he could spare me for a few days to get some physical distance. It was a hard ask because that would mean he would need to bear the brunt of my absence. But he did.
I headed up to one of our favorite retreat centers, giddy with the prospect of having some time to myself. I’ll be honest here: being with God was not what was motivating me. I thought I was getting a well-earned vacation. God had little to do with it.
In a juvenile expression of rebellion, I indulged myself in the very ways that I could not at home. For the first 24 hours, I slept as long as I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate at times that were not dictated by the clock. I walked and hiked at my pleasure. I reveled in the freedom.
But something interesting happened at that retreat. Though my heart was far from God and my desires were to please myself, God still used this first day to minister to me. He didn’t waste it.
Like Elijah, God ministered to my depleted body first, not last. He didn’t chide, scold, or lecture me. I wasn’t struck down by lightning or blasted by fire for my “laziness.”
For the first time in years, I actually felt physically rested.
What I Learned About Physical Rest
What I discovered after my first 24 hours was that now, when my body felt refreshed, I finally felt like I was ready to respond spiritually. For the first time in a long time, I picked up my Bible out of a desire to hear from God, not obligation. I prayed. I journaled my thoughts, emotions, and questions.
Here, I experienced the connection between our physical state and our spiritual receptivity. It does take energy to focus enough to be present with an invisible God. It takes energy to resist the temptations and distractions around us to fix our eyes on Him.
When you’re tired, it’s hard to keep your eyes open. When you’re sad, your spirit is weighed down. When you’re overwhelmed, your mind is frantically trying to pull yourself out of the swirling vortex.
All these things take energy to deal with. There are days when I literally need to tell my hands and feet to move. Other times, I’m dozing off before noon if I get the chance to sit down but frustratingly wide awake when I need to be sleeping. And when things were particularly bad, I would check out of the world by going to bed but sleep fitfully.
But when I was able to give myself some space to sleep as needed, without an imposed schedule, I found that to be the most helpful thing for my spiritual life. When I felt rested, I felt hope arise again. I couldn’t tell you if it was a godly hope, but it was that little spark of light that I needed in a very dark time. It got me going in the right direction again.
Translating This to Real Life
Once I had a taste of this, I immediately began to worry about my return home, when I wouldn’t have this luxury. But this experience kept before me a taste of the goodness of physical rest. I began to prioritize this rest—instead of Netflix—in my daily routines.
Here are some things that have helped me.
Figure out how much sleep is best for me.
As with most people, 8 hours was good for me. Others may need more or less so figure out what is your optimal time.
With my schedule at home, I broke this up into a 7-hour stretch at night, with 1 hour after lunch to rest—even nap—if needed. This doesn’t work for everyone but this helped me to get through a long day of caregiving.
Start with your wake-up time.
Instead of counting my bedtime from when I went to bed, I reversed it and began to determine when I needed to go to sleep so I could wake up.
Make going to bed a routine.
After figuring out the amount of sleep and my wake-up time, I realized that I would have to go to sleep a lot earlier. But because I tasted the benefits of good sleep, I was motivated to make that happen.
Shut down my computer an hour before this bedtime.
This is probably the most helpful but also the most challenging part because I had created the habit of just working till I was done. I had to create some new habits and routines of work so that I was able to complete the most essential in order to turn off my laptop on time.
Develop a personalized bedtime routine that you enjoy and helps wind you down.
This helps slow you down in preparation for sleep. This included:
Reviewing my day and making a plan for tomorrow so I could go to bed knowing the unfinished would get taken care of later.
A regular bedtime ritual of washing up, along with a skincare routine that was relaxing, setting out clothes for the next day and getting into my pj’s.
Reading something relaxing on my Kindle—not on my phone but on a simple e-reader on dark mode so I could read with the lights off and without any blue light.
Taking time to create a meaningful, enjoyable, and relaxing routine for this hour is very personal, so these may not fit you at all. Others enjoy a bath before bed, stretching, time to pray or journal. All of these have been far more beneficial than binging Netflix, which, over time, I have found less appealing.
Carve out a month to focus on this goal of scooting back your bedtime.
On a calendar, write down your target bedtime 30 days from now. Starting with your bedtime today, set smaller goals every few days to scoot it back, marking those times on your calendar. Try 5-15 minute increments so your body can ease into the change.
But What About My Work?
You’re right. As delightful as a bedtime routine sounds, it doesn’t happen if we’re scrambling around trying to get everything done. So here are a few things to help you with this.
Note the things that you generally need to do before you feel ready to wind down.
What daily work do you like to have finished? Keep it the essentials, not an exhaustive list. For me, it is a clean kitchen.
If it’s something that could take awhile, then prioritize it even further. For me, lesson planning for our homeschool would not ever be something I could finish to my satisfaction. So I set a limit on it: I would settle for what was needed the next day and not worry about the rest of the week.
Enlist help by teaching and training others to help, if possible.
For example, kids can learn to pack their own lunches and get their school clothes and materials ready on their own.
Consider if there are ways you can get these tasks done earlier in the day and add them to your routines then.
While you cannot have a clean kitchen before dinner, there are other things that could be done in advance, like other household chores, making lunches or homeschool prep. It could be dealing with quick emails immediately instead of just putting it off till later.
While there are probably other ideas, these have worked for me. Because work and sleep go hand-in-hand, finding ways to tie up the most essential loose ends earlier have helped me to get a good night’s sleep. In fact, it has been one of the turning points for me in getting out of my burnout. When I let things slide, I feel its effects and remind myself to get back to the routine.
Not the Main Goal
Physical rest is a wonderful gift from God. I have tasted and seen it’s benefits. Now, I work hard to protect my daily rest instead of squandering it. Sleep isn’t meant to be idolized, but when looked at in the big picture, I know that it is a gift that I can delight in.
However, as I have shared in my last post, this form of self-care isn’t the main point. I’ve discovered that what physical rest does is that it sets the stage for something more. When I am rested physically, I am more open to the deeper spiritual rest God has for me.
In my next post, we’ll look at rest when sleep isn’t possible. Perhaps you are up a lot at night with a baby or sick children or caring for parents. How can you find rest when your sleep is broken up and not refreshing? We’ll tackle that topic next time.
