Good Gifts, Not Gods
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”—James 1:17 (ESV)
Though the idea of self-care is not a new one, it has seen a resurgence in recent days. It has also proven to be a popular one too. It makes sense to us, is appealing to our flesh, and lucrative as well!
What Comes Naturally
At my lowest point, as my heart began to mutate, it made absolute sense for me to indulge myself. I did not need any additional encouragement!
I already felt like an absolute failure—not just as a mother but as a Christian. Though I knew all the right answers in my head, none of them seemed to hold true in the moment. I felt ashamed and guilty, so I avoided God.
In avoiding God, I began to look elsewhere for comfort. The sin inside me reasoned: It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this. If He wants me to care for an orphan, He should make it easier.
As time passed, my shame and guilt morphed into self-righteous indignation. The victim started becoming the villain.
Without a community of friends to watch out for me, support me or keep me accountable, my hardened heart turned into a steel wall. If God was going to treat me like this, then I quit! Instead of just cowering in fear, I began to shake my fist at Him.
I felt completely self-justified in my anger, believing the old McDonald’s slogan, “You deserve a break today.” My particular form of self-indulgence was staying up late to watch Netflix. By escaping into an alternate world, I was able to take a break from my own.
But sometimes, the side effects are worse than the medication. Because I was up late, I also didn’t sleep enough, making me more tired than I already was. That alone has a negative spiraling effect on my body.
My tiredness weakened me, not just physically, but relationally as well. I lacked the strength to be gentle. I would bark out orders or deliver a hurtful word without a second thought. I was grumpy, harsh, and short-tempered.
Our home became a stressful, even toxic, place to be. And I knew I was a key factor in turning it that way. (More guilt.) I felt like I was watching a monster wreak havoc in my own home but felt helpless to do anything about the destruction.
What I Learned: Self-Care Alone Doesn’t Work
In some ways, I was right. I did need a break today. I was working hard. I was physically, emotionally, and in all ways, depleted.
But what made sense to me—giving myself a break because I thought I deserved it—didn’t work. Why? Because it is not the ultimate solution.
Without God at the center of my life, this was merely self-indulgence. I let my heart lead the way. It put me on the throne, making my desires and needs paramount, leaving God out of the picture entirely.
Another reason why self-care apart from God doesn’t work is because it fails to take into account the entire nature of what it means to be human. We are not merely bodies. God has made us in His image, with both a body and a spirit.
Self-care that only addresses the body but not the soul is not going to be enough. Just getting more sleep or taking a nap isn’t enough. Splurging on a spa day isn’t enough. Taking an extended vacation isn’t enough. It isn’t enough if that is the only solution.
Even modern self-care advice that encourages meditation or other spiritual practices will fall short because they are self-focused. If the goal is “self-love” or “self-compassion” or what-have-you, these practices still fall short because they are relying on ourselves to generate the care we need. Self-care without God may help us for a moment, but they will not minister to the deeper problems that keep us restless.
To make it clear, it is not wrong or evil to take a nap or get a manicure or enjoy a day at Disneyland. But these are gifts, not gods who can help us when we are overwhelmed and burdened. Like the Teacher in Ecclesiastes, all I can say is that my hours on Netflix is vanity, meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Getting Oriented Again: The Gospel for Everyday Life
Self-care doesn’t work because it is a God-less solution. Even the advice to “practice mindfulness” or “be patient and kind to yourself” fall short because the whole starting point is wrong because I am on the throne. Any advice where “self” is elevated will not give the deep, lasting rest, peace, and hope I was so desperately searching for.
Rather, because we have been reunited to God through the Gospel, we now have an even better invitation. Have you noticed what it says in Matthew 11:28-30? Jesus tells us to come to Him because “I will give you rest.” (emphasis mine)
To find the rest we long for, we need to come to a person—not a destination, an activity, or amusement. And that person is God alone, certainly not my “self.” As my infinite, omnipresent, omnipotent, sovereign Creator, I am invited to draw from His endless stores to find rest—and that is so far better than trying to squeeze it out of myself. He will never run out or be depleted when I draw on Him for everything I need.
This is what the Gospel opens up to us—a reconciled relationship with the God of rest. By paying the debt of my sin, Jesus also opened the door to connection once again with our Father, the One who knows us best and loves us most. With that door open, I can once again know rest—the real rest that I long for and needed most.
Where Self-Care Does Fit In
With that said, I will reiterate that there is nothing inherently wrong with self-care suggestions as ways that we enjoy God. I can take a nap, knowing that the God blesses those He loves with sleep. I can curl up with a good book and enjoy it as a means that God provides me to refresh. I can enjoy a breakfast out with a friend as a celebration of His provision of fellowship.
But this is the difference: I enjoy these things as delights that refresh my soul in God. In that refreshment, I praise Him for His goodness to me. That is where real rest comes—as I am celebrate God’s goodness through His physical and material blessings.
So I do want to get that clear too. Self-care can actually be a part of spiritual rest. If viewed and used with the big picture in mind, these practices also help get us to a place where we can begin to start opening up our hearts and souls to God again. They can help prepare us to accept Christ’s invitation to come to Him.
Wisdom remembers these things, good as they are, have limits. They cannot address the sin and brokenness in this world that is behind all the restlessness, overwhelm, and overwork we experience. These practices cannot be a replacement for spiritual rest.
How About You?
After reading this post, how would you articulate the role of self-care in the process of working through burnout? What can it do? What can’t it do?
What is one self-care practice that you can practice and enjoy as a gift from God and not an entitlement you deserve? Carve out a little time to enjoy it with a heart of thanksgiving and gratitude towards the Giver of all good gifts (James 1:17).
