Three Lessons to Teach Younger Moms
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.—Titus 2:3-5 (emphasis mine)
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. When you become a parent, with the many joys, there are even more challenges, sacrifices, and challenges. Though they are extremely cute, they’re not always so lovable.
Growing up, I did not get a whole lot of training about what it means to be a mom. At best, it looked like something fun to do, and later, a status symbol among our friends, to have kids. At worst, it seemed like a drain on my potential, an obstacle to my own development.
It wasn’t until I already had two children of my own that God challenged my own heart about my role as a mother. Through our godly pastor and his faithful teaching on home and family, I began to grasp the significance and importance of motherhood.
I began to see that being a mom was more than just diapers, driving lessons or degrees. My main goal was not merely about making sure my kids had clean clothes, learned independence or were successful.
Rather, my primary role as a mother is to partner with God in making disciples of Christ. Their relationship with God is the only blessing that will give them life and hope. Even if I gave them everything else money could buy but did not train them to know, love, and serve God, I would not have given them enough.
However, this conviction cannot be passed on unless I believe it myself, unless I am thoroughly convinced that there is no greater joy than Jesus. That is why my personal discipleship is critical and essential, not a luxury to squeeze in when I have time.
If I want to train the younger women on how to love their families, I need to wrestle with the real-life temptations and distractions in my own life. I need to feel the frustration and fight the good fight. I need to exercise faith and learn discipline.
As I practice these things in my own personal discipleship, I can then empathize in understanding the struggles of my younger sisters. If I am able to actively grow in my own faith, however, I can do more than understand. I can help them think through how to wisely navigate their own lives and circumstances.
Three Key Lessons to Pass On
In my own journey through motherhood, God has graciously trained me in values, skills, and convictions. Here are three that I have wrestled with as I raised my own children.
Lesson 1: The greatest gift I can give my children is pointing them to Jesus and helping them to love Him.
I thought that being a good parent meant providing for my children. There was a time in my life, when my children were in early grade school, I thought that doing the best for my children meant providing them with an enriching material environment and experiences. After all, that’s what my friends were doing.
Sure, my kids went to Sunday school and church faithfully every week. But my concern was more for keeping up with the kids around us, not their spiritual development.
As a young mom, I felt embarrassed when my kids didn’t do gymnastics, play soccer, or start an instrument. Teens aren’t the only ones who deal with peer pressure! I distinctly remember feeling like a failure because we couldn’t afford to sign up for all these classes and activities.
Over time, I began to realize that even if I could provide all these good things for my kids but fail to root them in a strong faith in Christ, I would not be doing them any favors. In fact, if a life full of these other things diminished their taste for the goodness of God, I may actually be doing them a disservice.
As I thought about this, I began to feel less ashamed of my inability to pay for lessons. Instead, I focused on spending my time giving them a solid foundation with Christ. We would read beautiful Bible storybooks, sing hymns, and pray together.
When they were able to read and write, I taught them how to spend time with the Lord on their own. I supplied an appropriate child’s devotional, small journal and art supplies so they could copy Bible verses or draw pictures if that was easier.
As they grew, I began to note what they were good at and then signed them up for classes that would allow them to grow in their emerging interests. I would pick one activity at a time, which not only saved money but forced them to focus. This taught them to be content with what they had and protected our family from creating a over-busy lifestyle.
Our children are only young for a short period of time. It is far more important to establish strong spiritual foundations—these last a lifetime. All other things will pass and fade.
Lesson 2: Teach my children how to love and serve others willingly and sacrificially.
Because of our sin nature, all of us will struggle with this. Some may struggle more or less, but none of it ever comes completely easy. For that reason, we can identify with this struggle alongside our children.
But somehow, when we serve together, it takes the sting away somehow. Many hands do make light work. On top of that, there is the joy of an experiences shared that can bond.
Teaching my children to love and serve others begins as I commit myself as their mother to willingly love and serve my own children. This is not the same as spoiling them or giving in to their every whim.
For me, being a servant to my children is more about entering into the mundane and ordinary things in life that come with motherhood. It means changing another diaper. Again. It means cooking another meal. Again. It means driving the carpool. Again.
It is easy for us to start a mental tab in our minds. We begin to grumble, thinking of all the things we do for our kids and how ungrateful they are in return. But love does not do this.
Unfortunately, this grates against the sinful human nature. But those of us who desire to become like Christ will learn to lay aside our rights, following His example.
And that’s what training our children to serve means. It is really one person following another person’s example.
As I follow Christ and lay down my life each day in ministry to my family, I teach my children how to serve. As they get older, I invite them to join me in that work and service. Those experiences then become the example we pass on to the next generation of mothers.
There is a high cost to motherhood, but the ripple effects can pass on through the generations—in our own children and even inspiring other families to do likewise. Don’t underestimate the power of your ordinary and everyday service.
It might have further reaching impact than you can realize.
Lesson 3: Cultivate and nurture your children as unique creations of God.
Finally, a loving mother is able to see the fingerprints of God in her children. From the very beginning, they are image bearers whose every day has been ordained by Him (Ps. 139:16). He has created them to do good works, planned even before birth (Eph. 2:10).
This doesn’t mean looking at our children with rose-tinted glasses. A mom who understands the frailty of humanity will not fail to see how sin has touched her children. She will, as already discussed, seek to point her children to Christ to address this issue.
But all is not meant to be doom and gloom. Even as we see our children as sinners, we want to inspire our children to live as saints.
This begins by sharing with them the truth of the gospel: that God created them for fellowship with Him but their sin has kept them from that relationship. This relationship is one of goodness and love. He desires so much more for them.
As mothers, we want to be quick to address sin, but let us not merely camp out there. Let us also be quick to point out the ways your children are growing in the likeness of Christ.
Highlight their helpfulness. Praise their perseverance. Cultivate their compassion. Not just to build up their self-esteem but to highlight to them their growth in Christ.
I have also learned that these beautiful traits, combined with their interests, talents, personality, and gifts, create a beautiful tapestry. As moms, we have the privilege of being front-row spectators of God’s revelation of their emerging personhood.
Mary pondered and wondered at all that happened to Jesus in his childhood. This is something we can do as well. Instead of looking at what everyone else is doing, we can ask God to show us what He is doing in and through our children.
One of my children has a skilled eye for design and beauty. Another is thoughtful, sensitive and friendly. Still another is musical and yet another is fascinated with the power of story.
As a mom, I get to help them nurture these gifts, not for their glory, but so that God might use them to reach the world for Christ. It’s not just to get a good job but to encourage them to employ their skills to further God’s kingdom.
This mindset is not one that the world teaches. But we as mothers can begin to speak that language at home, pointing to God’s unfolding purposes in their lives, even as we nurture these emerging abilities.
As an older woman, I can encourage the younger mom to love and celebrate the handiwork of God in their own children. I can point out and help reframe their kids’ achievements and notice the patterns I see and wonder with them what God will do through them.
This is not a natural way of thinking. It must be taught and trained.
But this is also one of the most exciting things we can do as parents. This is what gives us hope as we labor in loving our children.
A Vision for Motherhood
If you think about it, these three lessons cover the heart of the Great Commandment and the Great Commission.
As I point them to Christ, I train them to love the Lord with all their hearts.
As I teach them to serve sacrificially, I train them to love their neighbor with the same devotion they naturally have to themselves.
As I cultivate their unique gifts and abilities, I train them to think of their vocation as a means of discipling others.
This is what makes parenting an adventure—partnering with God to launch children who love Him into a dark world.
Unless we do, our faith will stop with us. But if we dedicate ourselves to training up the next generation in our homes—and equipping the next generation of mothers to do likewise in theirs—we participate in raising up the next generation.
As women commit to this Titus 2 mandate, passing it on to other women who will pass it on, we take our place in a chain of faithful women, until the glory of God fills every corner of the earth.
