Inviting God In: The Beginning of Change
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
--Psalm 139:23-24
Think about your most recent attempt to change.
Right now, I am struggling with the tendency I have to hoard things, holding on to things “just in case.” I have a hard time letting go of memorabilia, expired food, and especially books. So the natural conclusion is simply to declutter, right?
But you know how that goes. I’ve seen this cycle over and over in my life. I’d go on a decluttering kick and then before I know it, I’m back to square one again.
You might think—what’s the big deal? Hoarding is a common weakness. You’re not harming anyone. Compared to things like anger, envy, or bitterness, it’s small beans.
Or is it?
The Vertical Dimension
As I suggested in my last post, we often have too narrow a definition of sin. In our spiritual blindness, we often limit it to behaviors or actions that are right or wrong.
However, in Scripture, sin is more than that. It is a fatal flaw in our very nature, an unrighteousness in us that results in spiritual death and alienation from God.
Sin is ultimately a vertical issue, that is, an issue between God and me. It is not merely a horizontal issue—something between me and others.
Therefore, everything I do, whether it is obvious or not, is susceptible to sin—including my tendency to hoard. Though I might not be hurting someone in the process, I need to still consider how I might be sinning against God in my actions.
I need to ask myself: What am I really thinking and believing when I struggle with letting an item go? What false beliefs have I embraced about God, myself, or others that run contrary to His Word and how He describes truth and life?
Now that puts things in a different light.
A Personal Analysis on My Hoarding
If we believe that all of our lives are lived under God’s gaze, hoarding takes on a different hue. I am saying something through my actions by hanging on to my stuff. There is a moral nature, a right or wrong, to everything I do, even if it looks innocuous on the surface.
As I ponder this, several initial thoughts come to mind.
When I resist letting go of what really should be given away or thrown in the trash bin, I am saying that I need these things to be happy in life. If I let them go, I cannot be happy. I believe that having these things is the pathway to happiness.
Deeper still, I have believed that true life is found in having my possessions. When I store up things on earth, I am living life counter to Matthew 6, where Jesus tells us not to lay up treasures here (v. 19).
And most importantly, I am saying that I need to trust myself to care for my needs. I then seek to provide for myself—by stockpiling or hanging on to things—instead of trusting God.
When I write these out, I know in my head I don’t believe these things. I know the truth: that Christ alone is the source of life, the fount of living water. True joy is found in Him alone, not treasures on earth. I can have full confidence that He will take care of me.
I can say the right answers. But I certainly don’t live like I believe them.
Like Paul in Romans 7:21-25, I serve God with my mind, but my flesh serves another god. Through my actions, I am really saying something about my relationship with God: I don’t trust Him. I need to hold on to things here lest He fail to provide for me. Though this is not outwardly sinful to others, it is offensive to God, and that is what matters most.
Sin Everywhere
Hoarding is just one area of my life. I also tend to be perfectionistic. I micromanage and control. I do good to earn the favor of others. All these can be masked and hidden before the public eye—and I can even spin them to look good!
(Yes, I definitely struggle with sin!)
But if you’re willing to be honest, I am sure you’ll see this too in your own life. In the Bible, sin is not just a matter of doing evil or refraining to do good. It is the way we simply look at life—around the lens of self.
This is important to realize, even if we are looking at things that seem neutral (like in my example). This can also happen even if we are the ones sinned against or the seemingly innocent victim of circumstances.
Sin will color how I look at life. It will color how I interpret the wrongs done to me. It will stir up in me ungodly responses in times of suffering.
My point here is not to make you feel bad or go on a “sin hunt” in your life. That will not accomplish anything.
What is more important is to realize how deeply sin has infected us, our lives, our perceptions, our motives, even when we do nothing wrong. Sometimes we actually see the manifestation of sin through our actions, but we can sin even before those behaviors show up externally.
And it is for this sin that Christ died—not just the behaviors, but the secret things no one, not even ourselves, realize.
Our Hope for Change is in The Hope of the Gospel
All right, this is getting depressing.
This is also the reality we need to face if the Gospel is to come alive and bring real hope. We need to know to the core of our being how hopelessly sinful we are without Christ. Seeing the great depth of our hopelessness is what makes Him and His loving sacrifice grow big.
Christ has rescued us from sin. As believers, He has pulled us out of the mire and muck of the pit we are all stuck in and set our feet on solid ground. This is what it means to be made holy—to be a saint.
Unlike the self-help books that fill the New York Times bestseller lists, the Bible offers hope—not by our own strength but through a power outside of us. Instead of simply offering a bandaid for a broken arm, our Great Physician re-sets the entire course of our lives and holds us close to Him as our lives are re-knit with a new and stronger identity.
In the goodness of God, He illumines the true nature of our souls and lights up His Word for us to understand His promise. We see our true state and we see His amazing promise. We step forward in faith.
There is hope for us!
Despite the hardships and temptations, our weaknesses and failings, our new relationship with God as saints allows us to enjoy a new relationship with Him. We are now united with Him and His Holy Spirit now dwells in us.
And that, my friends, is why real change is possible.
It is not because we try harder. It is not because we dutifully start new habits. It is not because we pump ourselves up.
We are new beings! We have a new destiny! We are completely new creations with a new way of seeing life and a new way of thinking that we did not have when we were born.
Therefore, if we desire to see change, we must start not with ourselves, but with our new relationship with Christ. The good news of the Gospel is what empowers this change, not ourselves. We look to the Spirit for the power to change.
So What Do I Do Now?
My goal in this post, like I said, is not to make you second-guess everything you do. Please don’t do that.
My goal is simply to encourage you to be open—open to let the light of Christ shine on your heart. Would you simply pray the words of Psalm 139:23-24 (quoted above)?
As I mentioned in my past posts, this is where our growth in our true identity as a saint—with humility. We have come full circle.
Even if you are not committing any obvious sin, we all need to humble ourselves. And that’s hard, especially when you (like me), think you’re a good girl.
But if you know you’re a sinner, you know you deserve to be punished for your behaviors, there is good news for you too.
Christ has faced the condemnation we deserve already. We do not need to condemn ourselves if we are in Him (Rom. 8:1).
When we do, it may sound humble, but it isn’t. It’s saying that we need to beat ourselves some more because the death of Christ was not enough. I need to pile on some more shame and guilt on top of it.
And when we think that way, how will we know when enough is enough? We make ourselves the judge of that instead of accepting in faith God’s once-for-all solution.
So my plea to you is this: Don’t be afraid to face your sin in Christ. I shared what I did earlier so that you can know that I am not on some high horse looking down on you. I too have many sins—too many to count!—that I am dealing with as well.
But because of Christ, I know I can face them, knowing that through each sin of my own accord or as a response to the suffering in a broken world, my Father holds me close as His own. Despite my weakness, failure, and outright disobedience, He still loves me.
And through His power demonstrated in Christ’s victory over sin and death, you and I can change as well.
More next time.
Update on this post, 7/10/23:
If hoarding is also an issue for you and/or you’d like a little more explanation of how to understand the underside of this struggle, check out these two resources for additional insights, both from CCEF:
Blog post: “Hoarding: FIrst Steps on a Complicated Problem” by Ed Welch
Podcast: “Hoarding” (Short and sweet, about 10 minutes)
