Humble Help: How to Help Sinners Grow as Saints
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”—Gal. 6:1-2
Over the past few months, we’ve delved into what it means to be a saint, a sufferer, and now finally, a sinner. These facets of the Christian life are not meant to be concepts filed away but realities lived.
We begin living in faith—I am a saint, beloved by God through the work of Christ. I am a sufferer, but Christ redeems my suffering. And finally, though I belong to Him, I will still sin, but I do not need to remain in it.
All these truths will take a lifetime to work out. And we’ll never be perfect.
But even as we take our stumbling steps, God asks us to help others. We help others grow as saints. We speak words of comfort to those who suffer. And yes, we address the sin in the lives of others as well.
These are probably the hardest conversations we have because who likes to bring up such a potentially volatile subject? And yet, if we are to make disciples, we must. But how do we do this?
Start With Your Own Heart
I’m not going to repeat what I’ve said before too much, but we must remember this: Our own transformation is the prerequisite to helping others change. When God works in us first, our minds, perspective, and character are changed so that we can see, discern, and guide others well as His ambassador.
In my personal experience, one of the benefits of letting God deal with my own sin is that it actually prepares me to speak differently with others about their sin. Because I know the frailty of being human firsthand, I am more able to gently point out sin in others, knowing how delicate this procedure is.
It also reminds me that this is a work of God. I would be blind in my own sin were it not for God’s intervention, and the same is true for others. I may be a tool God uses to help them shed light on their darkness, but I am not that light.
Knowing that change is all the work of God—in my life, in others’—then I am able to proceed with kindness, gentleness, and patience as I wade in to help others deal with their sin.
Be Willing to Take the Risk
Confronting sin in another person is always risky. This fear of losing the relationship or the fear of what others might think of us often keeps us from speaking up. So we convince ourselves that love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)—and keep silent.
But is that right?
Galatians 6:1 seems to suggest otherwise. We are told in that passage to help restore others when they are caught in their transgressions. How can we see a brother or sister in the faith ensnared in a trap and walk away?
We are called to address sin. This is risky work, but if we have been humbled by our own sin, we can approach this in a manner that is better received.
Better yet, let us cultivate friendships where we give each other permission to check in with each other about our sins. In this way, the church grows together as we regularly invite others to point out our areas of need and growth to one another.
If you resist getting involved, ask God to help you to root out your own issues regarding the fear of man, people pleasing, laziness, comfort or desire to not rock the boat. Either way—whether we enter into conversations addressing sin or avoid them—keep humility and mercy at the forefront of our hearts. As you experience God’s gentle firmness in dealing with your own sin, seek to represent Christ accurately as we call them back to holiness.
Let the Love of God Be the Motivation for Addressing Sin
Engaging in the delicate work of “speck removal” is an act of love. It is one way that we care for others in the most important areas of their lives.
Because our standing and relationship with God is the most important in our lives, we help others deal with their sin so that they will not be hindered from Him. As we plead with others to walk away from it, we seek to help them restore their fellowship with God, helping them back into the pathways of His grace and life.
Though it may not seem like it, addressing sin is one way we live out the greatest commandments Jesus highlights in Matt. 22:37-40. When love for God and his church motivates us, we will address ongoing sin that minimizes its growth and testimony. When love for neighbor motivates us, we confront sin so that they will not lose more time out of fellowship with their Creator.
Granted, our motivations will not be perfect because we too are still in process. Ask Him to check for mere reactions to things that rub you the wrong way instead of a commitment to the greater purpose of rescue and restoration or a self-righteous and judgmental spirit.
Ascertain the Best Approach
Not everyone is in the same boat. Paul suggests this in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 where he writes, “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” I love this verse because it shows us that what we say is tempered by where their hearts are.
Some are idle and certainly need a stronger word. But others may simply be weary, bearing up under a heavy burden that you do not see and their weariness expresses itself in harshness and a lack of filter. Others may be new believers or suffer with disability—weak—and may have a hard time understanding their sin and its destructiveness.
So before you jump in, pray for wisdom to discern their starting point. Take time to get to know them—their home or work situations, health struggles or season of life—as this gives you better insight and guidance in how to address them.
Speak Truth in Love
When it comes time to speak, remember to give them the honor due an image-bearer. If they are believers, they are more than that—they are also saints, just like you.
Ephesians 4 gives us two helpful pieces of guidance so to ensure that we are biblical not only in our words but in our method.
First, Eph. 4:15 tells us we are to speak the truth in love, so that our loved one will grow up into the image of Christ. How does what you intend to say help them become more like Jesus?
Second, Eph. 4:29 tells us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” What impact does your words have on others? Will it corrupt them or will it build them up? Are they fitting or does it go off track? And will it reflect the grace of God?
I am a firm believer that in Christ, we have been given the ability to speak hard truth with holy purpose and deep love. This is a skill, like walking, that may take time to develop. We may stumble at first. But as the love of Christ changes our own hearts and motivates us, I believe it can become more and more natural to us.
The newer we are to this, the more time we should spend praying over our words with the Lord. Again, we may never be able to remove every bit of self-serving in our conversation, but we can ask the Lord to help us and trust Him to guide us.
Use More Questions Than Statements
One way to take the edge off the confrontation is to invite conversation through questions. As much as possible, we want our friends to recognize their own sin, much like Nathan skillfully guided David to do so through his story of the poor man and his lamb (2 Sam. 12). Such conviction is only through the Holy Spirit, but wise use of appropriate truths and questions can be used by God to help them get there.
If they are not open or even aware of their sin, listen for openings where you can gently and briefly comment or ask a question to go deeper. For example, for someone who unknowingly hurts others with their biting wit, you can say something like “Ouch! That stings!” to simply start helping them to become aware of their tendency. If they defend themselves and say, “I didn’t mean it” or “It was just a joke” then you can ask, “If so, then why did you feel the need to say it?”
If they are already aware of the issue, ask them to expand on their frustrations. “When you make those comments, how does it make you feel?” Perhaps they may confess it makes them feel witty or smart, or satisfaction to put someone in their place, or to right what they think is wrong.
When you ask questions, it gives them an opportunity to tell you more—which gives you more to work with, in their own words. After they share their thoughts, follow up with another question: “What makes you think that?” From here, we can help them move towards understanding what the deeper issues underneath the surface.
In asking questions, we want to look for more than just the surface behavior but if possible, get to the motivation underneath in their hearts. Each response reflects something deeper, and thoughtfully asked questions will help reveal it. The goal is not to trap them in their own words, but to simply understand them better and not make assumptions. This helps in the next suggestion.
Gently Treat the Heart as Christ Would
If we watch Christ at work, we will see He varied His responses, based on what He recognized in the heart. To the humble, he handled their hearts with gentleness. To the harder of heart, He had stronger words of exhortation and even rebuke. He will not break the bruised wick, but He will bring justice to victory (see Matt. 12:18-21 for a full picture).
Back to the example I started.
Of course, the easiest scenario is that they would be convicted of their sin. If that is the case, guide them to Christ in repentance, just as you have learned in your own life. Share your testimony of God’s goodness to you.
If their comments lead you to recognize the suffering they endured, treat that with kindness, even as you blend your words with encouragement. Gently call them to forgive as Christ forgave them or remind them of the value and worth of others in God’s sight.
If on the other hand, they only escalate in their defensiveness, gentleness still applies. Let’s not add fuel to the fire! But we can courageously and firmly call them to remember their calling as a saint and challenge their choices to live contrary to their calling.
Be There to Help Clean Up
Regardless of their response, we want to not just drop our bombs and let them deal with the damage. A good friend will not only point out sin but help them walk out of it.
First, as it is with us, we want to help them to restore their fellowship with God. If needed, help them understand what repentance looks like and pray with them to confess to Him:
Identifying their offense toward Him
Defining how their sin contradicts what Scripture says is true
Expressing their desire to submit to His means for transformation
Thanking Him for Christ who forgives and the Spirit who empowers change
Secondly, we help them to find ways to express this repentance in their daily lives—in their attitude, perspective, relationships, work, responsibilities, words, stewardship, etc. Sometimes it may mean keeping them accountable. Other times it might mean getting in the trenches with them.
Conclusion
David Powlison writes: “Only if you face up to your sin and your resistance to God can you see clearly and act gently, helping others to face up to themselves as well.”
This once again reminds me that when I seek to grow as a saint who still sins, there is fruit that eventually emerges. As I faithfully turn to God through Christ, honestly and humbly confess, and embark on pursuing holiness, not just doing the right thing, God does the miraculous. He takes my bumbling efforts and over time, forges new character in me.
As He does so, He is helping me to see myself and others rightly and my heart takes on His nature and priorities. Out of a desire to help others, He can use my own experiences struggling with sin to help others in theirs.
Isn’t that a beautiful picture of what it means to be a saint? It is not that we are pumping ourselves up but we are at peace with God, which helps us not to posture or pretend. We can picture Christ before one another and spur one another on towards godliness.
Let us not be afraid to face our sin, for Christ has covered it completely for us. Instead, let us humbly bring ourselves before Him and then out of gratitude, do likewise for others.
