How to Build a Mentoring Ministry
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.—Titus 2:3-5
One of my favorite books is Robert Coleman’s The Master Plan of Evangelism. This book has been so pivotal that I wrote a post on it. In this one, I’d like to revisit the ideas in it in light of Titus 2:3-5 for women.
Mentors Need Mentors
As I shared in another previous post, there are three types of friendships to pursue: mentors, peers and disciples. All three are vital to a healthy discipleship ministry.
First, as I seek to mentor others, I need to remember that I am always in process myself. I have not “arrived.” I do not mentor others believing that I have figured everything out.
So each year I plan, I evaluate and consider where I can grow in three main areas:
where do I need to grow in my identity in Christ?
where do I need to change in areas of sin.?
how might I enter my current hardships in faith?
From there, I identify an area of study I would like to explore in the year to come. Taking my own personal growth as a believer seriously is the first step towards equipping ourselves to disciple.
But this is not something I can do alone either. For that reason, the second thing I do is seek out an older women to mentor me in my own life as well. This happens for me in a few ways:
Look for a woman who has had similar experiences and ask if you can meet with her to pick her brain about your chosen area of growth.
Read a book on this topic. I consider books as mentors too. I can learn from writers who have gone through similar experiences. They are not as ideal because it is a one-way conversation, but it works if you need help and there isn’t someone in your area. [If you struggle with reading, consider listening to their books on audiobooks or consider learning from podcasters or speakers.]
Seek counseling for a season to help you intentionally work on this area.
Along with seeking counsel from others, I also take time to rest and retreat. I need the Lord to help me to process and digest what I have learned, whether it is a book or a conversation.
In our zeal to serve the Lord, I strongly encourage all older woman to not neglect this. It is only through our own honest growth and development in the Lord are we able to help other women. This real-time struggle is what helps us understand and relate, to have patience when the battle gets tough, and empathy when we feel discouraged.
Mentors Need Peers
Not only do I need older women to mentor me, I also need friends for the journey. Friends are critical in the journey for several reasons:
I need friends to labor with me to defeat the enemy.
As I have written often on this blog, I am but one player in God’s Story. I am not the lone hero. Rather, it is more like “The Fellowship of the Ring”—after J. R. R. Tolkien’s famed Lord of the Rings trilogy. Friends help me watch my back as we band together to fight sin and further the gospel in enemy territory.
I need friends to sharpen me.
Friends see things I do not see. Really good friends dare to speak the truth in love but more importantly, point me to Christ.
One of the best ways I have found this to happen is through a book study with good friends. Though our conversation isn’t limited to the book, the book gives us something to think about together and a common language and reference point to look back to as we process life.
I need peers who will encourage me to keep my eyes on Christ.
I need them to help me to reorient my gaze on Jesus and recalibrate when systems go wonky. They encourage me and keep me accountable to stay true to the calling of Christ.
As I grow as an older woman, I need to nurture friendships with other like-minded women who will help me to keep pursuing Jesus. This is another act of humility that reminds me that I need to lean on others.
Mentors Need Disciples
So after all this, who should I disciple?
Characteristics
After many years of working with younger women, I have found there were particular characteristics I looked for in women.
First of all, I look for someone who is interested in investing in their faith. Some questions to help:
Do they ask thoughtful questions? This shows she is willing to go beyond the surface and is curious.
Does she invest in regular spiritual disciplines? This demonstrates a personal level of commitment.
Does she brighten up when you talk about spiritual topics? This suggests she is willing to go there. Some women, I have noticed, get uncomfortable when it gets spiritual, so this can be a big hint.
Anytime I leave a conversation and think we could have gone on for another hour, I prayerfully ask God if there is any way I can build into her life.
This woman may or may not literally be younger than me. She could be an older woman who is younger in the faith with these same characteristics who is seeking out more.
How to find them
Strike up conversation.
The easiest and most natural way is simply to be courageous and extend yourself to the younger women around you in conversation. Look around you on a Sunday morning at who is sitting near you or in the fellowship hall and take the initiative to strike up a conversation.
If your church is small or you do not have many younger women in your congregation, expand your circles and think of others beyond your church body. Perhaps there are younger women among your friends and family that are believers who are interested. While starting with your church is a good first step, don’t be discouraged or limit yourself to just your church.
Host a study.
If you have the option and inclination but aren’t sure of where people are at, host a Bible study of potential women for a short 8-12 week study.
Instead of posting it in the church bulletin, I have prayerfully and personally invited women I have enjoyed conversation with and asked if they’d like to join me for a time of reading God’s Word or a book. I invite a few more than my target group size, as some of those I invite are not able to join.
One thing I’ve discovered is to set the bar high. In that way women self-select for you. For me, attendance is one marker of commitment. So I ask that if they want to join, to please commit to 75% attendance. If they know that isn’t possible, then it’s entirely okay to decline my invitation.
Invite them out for coffee, a phone call or Zoom chat.
These are definitely rarer occasions, but during the times I have spoken to the young moms’ group, I pay attention when approached afterwards. I usually do not have time for deeper conversations, but when I sense an opportunity, I ask if they’d like to continue the conversation later.
How Do I Start?
When I start discipling women, I don’t even tell them that that’s what my focus is. Rather, as mentioned above, it usually begins as an invitation to talk more.
During that time, I try to get to know them, where they are growing, what their lives are like, where they’re struggling, what they hope for, and how my own experience and story might intersect.
Much of this is very organic, so I cannot outline a step by step process, but I do look for several things before moving on to a more formal invitation: Do they have the desire? The time? Do we have a good chemistry?
Of course, a single conversation is not going to reveal all of these things, so sometimes a second—or even a third—conversation may be required. After the initial intentional conversation, these can even come as you’re simply going through life.
Resources on This Blog
As I continue to write and build out this blog, my hope is that it will become a resource center for those who desire to invest in the discipleship of other women.
Like I mentioned in my previous post, I am not trying to espouse a particular way. Instead, I like to connect the dots by sharing how Scripture intersects with life. If I suggest something, it is a method I have learned in my own life that has helped me, but they are not rules to follow. Tweak and adjust to fit your needs and style.
Though I know this is not for everyone, I see my writing as an opportunity to fulfill this Titus 2 call in a different format. I hope that in time, it will become a place where younger women can connect with an older woman or an older woman can find help as she ministers to the younger women in her life.
