The Call of Spiritual Mothering
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”—Titus 2:3-5
In my last post, we began a new series on spiritual mothering, an apt description of the discipleship ministry between women in different generations.
In her book, Spiritual Mothering, author Susan Hunt defines this task commanded in Titus 2:3-5 this way:
“When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God’s glory.”
When we are saved by faith, we enter a new covenant relationship with God, but we also enter into a covenantal relationship with other believers. This spiritual family is now our true family. In this era between the two appearings of Christ, this is our call: to train ourselves to renounce ungodliness and to live godly lives, doing good works as we wait for Him to return (Titus 2:11-14) and to do this with others as well.
From General Call to Specific Call
In some ways, the call of TItus 2 is a specific version of Jesus’ “Great Commission” in Matthew 28:18-20.
Paul goes a little further in Titus 2. In this pastoral letter, he tells Titus to teach the Cretan church (including the women) sound doctrine, implying that the women were not just the cooks and coordinators in the church. No, they too were expected to grapple with the truths of Scripture. In addressing women in particular, Paul actually shows great honor to them. They are not assumed to be intellectually inferior.
This is important because it is this doctrine, fleshed out in the home and family, that the women will need as they disciple the younger women. This is not just about lifestyle hacks for your household. It is not about how to keep the romance alive in your marriage. It is not about raising well-adjusted kids with a strong sense of self-esteem.
Not only that, Paul recognizes that there are some uniquely female issues that Titus will not be able to help with. He is not going to be able to understand the struggles of PMS or menopause. He will not understand the pain of infertility or the discomforts of pregnancy. He will not understand the struggles of women to rightly express their femininity in a culture that was largely patriarchal.
When God made Adam and Eve, He made humanity male and female. Our gender, despite what our culture defines it as today, does make us different than one another. We are of equal value in God’s eyes, but still different.
We have a different mix of hormones, different roles in the home and society, different bents and preferences. And this was called “very good.” It is the sin that has since infected this original design that has landed us here today—but it was not God’s original intention.
In order to honor these differences, women need to be trained to be women.
Training Up Women to Be Women
I am sure that I’m probably stepping on toes to even suggest that Titus 2 is a call for women to help other women to become the helpers that God intended us to be. But before we get too upset, consider this: the word for “helper” (ezer) in Genesis 2:18 is the same word used to describe God Himself as helper throughout the Old Testament (e.g. Ex. 18:4, Deut. 33:29, Pss. 33:20; 70:5). If He is not insulted by such a description, women can count it an honor.
Not only are women designed to be helpers, we are also meant to be life-givers, which is what Adam named his wife after the fall. Eve means “mother of the living” and sounds like the Hebrew word for living (ESV text note on Gen. 3:20).
Just as each member of the Trinity are all equal in their deity yet serve different functions, so humanity, in our maleness and femaleness, reflect this character. We are made in the image of God, so one way we reflect this is in our unique roles in relation to one another. It is not surprising that in our fallen world, the differences are minimized or blurred or not valued.
Not only that, the very institution of family has been attacked. Divorce has split many homes. Alternate family arrangements have become acceptable. More than ever, we need women who love God and love others to speak into the next generation of women, especially in a culture where these key biblical values are overrun.
What Is the Command?
Titus 2:3-4, the actual command, is sandwiched between Paul’s exhortation to teach what accords with sound doctrine (v. 1) so that God’s Word may not be reviled (v. 5). Sound doctrine is the basis for this relationship; honor for God’s truth is the goal of the relationship. Titus is to teach the entire church—men and women alike—with the women specifically passing on the application of doctrine into the home and family, something that Titus, as a man, may have limited experience.
Sound (safe, healthy) doctrine forms the basis of our character, which becomes the foundation from which to train younger women. This is not just a matter of passing on information. It is teaching the younger women to think as believers so they can live like believers.
How we live either honors God or dishonors Him. And honor is an aspect of character—one that stems from a reverence for God that is then reflected in our love for one another.
In many ways, as I had learned as I learned about the Cretan culture, they were living in a culture not unlike ours. The younger women were gadding about instead of caring for their primary home responsibilities. Their words were slanderous, tinged with criticism and complaint, reflecting their departure from the Word of God in their lives.
Again, the older women were to disciple these younger women in their hearts so what comes out is wise teaching (Prov. 31:26). They were not to be addicted to much wine, which can be broadly understood as women who were self-controlled and not self-indulgent, enslaved to things that do not lead them to glorify God.
On the positive side, women who are steeped in sound doctrine are then able to teach what is good. Goodness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, evidence of His grace in my heart that has been changed. Without it, I will only pass on that which is worldly.
So Titus was to teach his congregation sound doctrine, and as the older women who have the life experience and wisdom here it, out of love for the Lord, they will internalize it so that the Holy Spirit begins to flesh it out in them. As women, they are then equipped to carry these truths into the uniquely feminine areas of life.
Doctrine forms strong character and then gives integrity to their ministry of teaching the younger women. This is immensely practical training in transferring these concepts into life, particularly the home.
The Responsibility and the Cost
Like all good works, this comes with a cost.
Most obviously is the cost of time. Spiritual mothering, like mothering your own physical children, is a hands-on responsibility. It can be structured and formal one-on-one time, but it may also be a bit more organic, being available when needed, just like a child may cry out at night or when sick.
Another cost is vulnerability. Being a mother means that others are looking to you and at you. My children have seen the “behind-the-scenes” me that is so easy to hide at church on Sundays.
Spiritual mothering likewise involves letting others see your life up close—not merely to hear your story but most importantly, giving them a peek into how God’s grace looks from a near distance. This is not easy and even risky at times, but how else will they know?
But the most important responsibility an older woman has is the investment of time in her own relationship with God. There are several ways we do this.
First, by being committed to our own growth in the Word, through our own study and in sitting under the preaching of her pastor.
Second, I take time to learn from the older women in my life. To keep my own heart humble, I take the time to learn from other godly older women in my own life, and if they are scarce (as it often is as we age), I turn to books written from godly women. Even from beyond the grave, these women help me in growing in faith, character, and good works.
Third, as Paul describes, this doctrine is to be translated into closing the gaps that exist in my doctrine and my living. I commit to actively growing and changing myself. so I “walk the talk.” In some ways this is the reverse of the “plank and speck” analogy Jesus uses in Matt. 7:3-5. Just as we do not correct someone without first examining our own hearts for the same issue, we do not want to instruct or teach others without first beginning to apply it (even if not perfectly) in our lives.
Who Are Qualified to Be Spiritual Mothers?
Perhaps after reading this, you’re wondering: If this is what it takes, who is even qualified? That’s a good question. Wouldn’t it be presumptuous of me to consider myself the older woman? After all, I still have a lot to learn too!
But note that “perfection” isn’t one of the qualifications on the list. On this side of heaven, this will never reach that state, but we need to just get started with the little we have. I have found that being willing to share and help another with what God has given me is one way to be a faithful steward of my “one talent.” (Matt. 25:14-30) And with time, God keeps adding to what He has given me so I have more to give.
Another thing to note is that there is nothing in the command that says you must have given birth to your own children or a certain chronological age. “Older” is a relative term. What qualifies you is spiritual maturity through life experiences. Even a college student has walked through the season of high school and can care for them.
I encourage younger women to start being on the lookout for those who are coming up behind them, even as they seek out older women to mentor them. In this way, we see ourselves in the midst of a chain of relationship instead of waiting until we hit the top of the ladder. Once we begin doing this at a young age, God keeps nurturing our hearts to keep looking.
This is how I got started when I was a college student and over time, my “radar” has gotten more developed. As I reach out to them, sometimes for just a one-time coffee date, the Lord has kept nurturing my own heart for this ministry. Sometimes this leads to another conversation. Sometimes it doesn’t. But it is never a waste of time for me to pour into the life of another woman.
The Vision of Spiritual Motherhood
As women, God has made us to tend toward relationships. This is the perfect forum for us to pass on the faith and help the next generation grow in obedience as they express these relational characteristics of God, such as tenderness, generosity, nurture, comfort, compassion, protection, sacrifice, and strength.
We all need one another for this task requires sacrifice in our investment. This is a command, not an option, for us.
But also imagine: What might happen if godly women rose up to take the mantle by committing to this long and hard work? What might happen if we used our God-given capacity, developed God-honoring characteristics in our own lives, even when it is difficult, to nurture younger women? What might happen if godly women were launched into their neighborhoods as well as their homes and families, to influence them for Christ? How might we be salt and light to our communities and churches to impact our nation and the world, to slow the decay so more can come to know Jesus?
We have been commissioned by Christ to make disciples, to prepare women to meet our Bridegroom. In a world that is changing rapidly, we need women who grasp this vision and then steadfastly and faithfully invest their time and energy into it. There are no shortcuts around it for this ministry is slow and hard. Training is a lifelong task.
Our femaleness is something God has gifted us and something to be celebrated. It is different than the strong leadership of men but no less important. When we lean into that without trying to be like men, it brings out the best in what God intended for women. The sacrifice and selflessness required for the task refines and sanctifies us and makes us more like Christ.
Will you join the ranks of the high calling of being a spiritual mother?
